Clayton's Birth Story

I've put this off for too long. It's time I finally write down Clay's birth story before I completely forget it!

Since I'm now a mother of 5, I think I better do a quick, short version. We were worried that Clay might be too big, and since we had issues when Max was born we decided to induce. I'm not a fan of inductions, and part of me wishes we had just gone natural again, but I'm thankful that Clay arrived without any issues or shoulder distocia.

So, we went to the hospital late at night on November 4. The told us that since we were doing an induction we didn't take priority. So we waited... and waited... and waited... we waited for about 18 hours in a labor and delivery room before they finally induced me. By that time my contractions had started on their own, but they were pretty weak.

My midwife thought that we should jumpstart things by giving me some pitocin. I got on that, and things started picking up. I didn't want to be in much pain, I'm a total wimp. So I got my epidural pretty quickly. As we were waiting for the anesthesiologist, my nurse gave me some meds to take the edge off until she got there. That stuff helped quite a bit. Once the epidural was in my pain levels dropped right off. It was so nice to know that I wouldn't have to have any more serious pain...

After about an hour, I shifted my body and as I did that, I noticed a smell that I had smelled when the anesthesiologist had inserted the epidural. I have no idea what it was... but it wasn't long after that when I noticed that my epidural was not working anymore. My nurse told me to shift sides, and try some different things. Nothing seemed to help. I started to really hurt and was having some intense back labor. Back labor results in no rest from pain. During contractions, you only feel pain during a contraction, but back labor is consistent.

My water broke and I was wanted to have our baby. I got sick and threw up several times. My midwife got there (he was upset the nurse didn't call sooner) and we started pushing. He noticed that Clay was sunny side up. That explained my back labor. He manually turned Clay's head and soon the back labor subsided. I had to push for longer than I had with Max. Clay was a little more stubborn. Scott was so wonderful and encouraging while I was pushing. He kept getting me a cool cloth to put on my face, and that seemed to help me deal with the nausea.

Clay was born and my midwife put him right on my chest. He nursed right away. I was in love. He has lots of hair and was my best eater right off. He nursed and nursed and nursed. I had about a 3rd degree tare, but I headed pretty quickly.

We are so glad to have our sweet Clayton Benjamin in our family.

Buying Alaska

When we decided we were moving to Alaska six months ago I started devising a plan for finding our future home. We'd make a quick trip in June; spend a few days looking at houses, put in an offer, and close when we moved into town in August. I thought it was a great plan. Then I started watching the market, and realized the houses were only lasting a day or so before being sold. Then I got sick, pregnancy sick, and decided I didn't want to try to do hard things. What a blessing that turned out to be.

As it turns out, buying a home in Alaska is not much easier than buying a home in a foreign country. There are MANY things to consider. The more I think I know, the more I realize I know nothing. I'm learning a whole new vocabulary!

Now when I look at listings, I look for key phrases like: furred out, holding tank, internet, territorial views, above the ice fog, energy efficient, triple pane windows, heated garage... These are words or phrases that might not seem all that interesting, but when you realize the consequences they hold in their simple little letters, you realize this stuff matters.

Internet? You might ask, what's the deal with internet? Well, some homes have access to it, and others don't. In fact come listings say that they HOPE to have internet in a year or so. These are NOT off the grid houses! Internet?!? I can't be without my little connection to the outside world!

Let's talk about holding tanks. Many houses here don't have city water or a well. They have a holding tank that is usually about 1500 gallons. Do you know how many gallons of water you use in a month? It turns out for our family, we would probably be making daily trips to the water people to fill up a 400 gallon tank that resides permanently in the back of our truck. A truck I might add, that we don't have yet. So, dig a well you say. That's what I said. You can, and sometimes it might work out. But in some places you can't dig, and in other places where you do dig, you might find that your water has arsenic in it! You know, the poison. And even if you do get a good well, you could likely end up with orange water, and consequently orange clothes, dishes, toilets, hair.

How about energy efficiency? It turns out you can spend a LOT of extra money each month on utilities if you don't have an energy efficient house. If your home is built right, you can save hundreds of dollars each month. If not, you might find yourself putting on extra clothes or shelling out all kinds of money to keep your home warm.

It probably sounds like I'm complaining. I'm really not. I knew when we moved here we would encounter some things that are different. I guess at times I'm just overwhelmed by all the things that go into finding  a good home here, outside of the simple "3 bed, 2 bath" scenario. 

Still, I kind of like the challenge. I love the area, and I'm willing to make some sacrifices to live here. Also, I'm very glad we didn't try to buy a home in three days, as was my original plan. As it is, I have about 7 months to get this all figured out. Wish me luck!!

So, we're not in St Louis Anymore...

Okay, I'm a terrible blogger. Really, terrible. Still I thought I'd give an update on our family.

We moved back to Bryan, Texas from St. Louis in August and here we are! Thankfully our condo sold, so we are now renting a cute little house built in the 50s with a backyard. We LOVE having some space and since moving have reached a HUGE goal for our family. We got a dog! We call her Sophie pup. Or just Sophie.

She's older, and sweet, and a little nutty. She spends most of her days stalking squirrels in our back yard. It's a lot of fun to watch her. She's got some pointer in her, so she'll point, slowly crouch, then explodes into a sprint to try to catch the squirrel before it gets into a tree. I haven't seen her be too successful yet, but we did find a dead possum in the far corner of our yard about a month ago, so maybe she's better than I thought.

Having a yard has been wonderful! Last Saturday we spent the whole day in the yard mowing, pruning, raking. I was SO happy! I love working outside! Having a little space to work outdoors has been a great way to unwind.

That leads me to the next little bit of excitement in our family these days. We're growing up and graduating soon! We hope. :) Scott has been interviewing for jobs and finishing up his dissertation. We expect to be moving (quite literally) on with our lives in July or August. It's an exciting time and I find myself looking at houses and property. Our dream is to have about five acres to call our own. We've applied mostly to places that will support that dream, and maybe someday it will become a reality for us. We can hope.

All that said, it will be VERY difficult to leave our home here in Texas. I never thought I would consider Texas home (heck, I never thought I'd walk on Texas soil for that matter) but it really has become our home. When I think about where I fit, it's here. It's not so much Texas itself, but the people we have been able to meet here. Salt of the Earth, good people. Some of the best I've known. I will miss them dearly.

So in a nutshell, life is good.

Minimizing in St. Louis

This post is not intended as a spin off of  "Sleepless in Seattle". Actually it's about our summer plans. We're moving out of our condo and headed up to St. Louis for a summer internship. Scott will be working in an industry job, and looks forward to seeing how he likes it. We are still not sure if he will look for an academic job or an industry job when he graduates. We hope this summer will help us know which direction to go.

It's sort of a big move, even if we aren't going too far for too long. Anytime a family of six decides to move, it's an adventure. After a LONG time looking we finally found a place to live for the summer. We are excited to experience a new city, but I'm also sad to leave our home here. This is my home, where I everybody knows my name... I feel like breaking into the "Cheers" theme song now. Anyway, I'm glad that after 12 weeks we'll be able to come back. :)

So how does a family of six relocate for 12 weeks? We've decided to do things a with a little bit of out-of-the-box thinking. Our goal is to move in JUST our minivan. We sort of have this fascination with a minimalist lifestyle, and we live pretty minimally right now, but we think we can do even better.

So, we've written up a detailed list, by room, of everything we'll be talking. I don't want to bore with you all of our lists, but here's an example.

Kids' room:
-sleeping bags
-pillows
-one special blanket each
-one special stuffed animal each
-one Tupperware of toys
-six outfits play clothes each
-one church outfit each
- flip flops, church shoes, tennis shoes each
- two pairs of socks each
-swimsuit each

Our shortest list so far is for the dining room. It's probably the list that will make the biggest difference in our day to day living. It's probably also the list that I'm the most excited/nervous about. Want to see it?

Dining room:
picnic blanket

...And, that's it! Well, you didn't expect us to be able to fit a table in chairs in our minivan, right? So this gives you an idea of how minimal we are planning on being this summer. I'm actually really excited about it. It's sort of to save money, but mostly its about simplifying our move. It turns out the less you have the more simple things are. Who knew!?!

So, we'll see how it goes!

Cheers! (no pun intended)

Choosing not to be busy

Our best attempt at a family picture after Max's Blessing

Life has been a little hectic for us lately. We've been...

- adjusting to a new baby
- trying to sell our condo
- working on a dissertation
- teaching two classes
- consulting people with stats questions
- homeschooling with four kids
- looking for housing in St. Louis this summer (for a family of 6 for 12 weeks, not an easy feat)
- getting ready to move to St. Louis
- meeting with doctors galore (none of us are sick, just all the regular check ups)

Despite all of this "busy work", I think there are more important things going on in our lives. It's the little things that bring me happiness. Here's a few...

- Nate telling Max over and over that he's a "Handsome Fella'"
- Gracie integrating hand expressions into her communication (like a girl, she talks with her hands)
- Jeff surprising me with how he can do a back-flip on the trampoline
- Max smiling at me, even when his tummy hurts because I ate a bowl of ice cream
- Jeff and Nate coming up with myths to bust and designing plans to bust them. If you have no idea what I'm talking about, this is their favorite show
- Gracie learning how to take diapers to the garbage, and being so proud that she is a helper

Sometimes I get caught up in being busy and taking care of logistical things. I'm trying to focus on the small and simple joys in life. Here. And now.

Maxwell Scott Goddard

It's been 10 days since Mr. Max joined our family. I've got to get the story of his birth written down before I forget any of the important details. Here's how it went down.

Max's due date was February 21st. He decided to wait it out a little bit and didn't join our family until the 25th. I'll be honest, being overdue was a bit hard. I would go to bed each night wondering if we would ever have our baby. The fact that I had been dilated to a 4 for a week didn't seem to make much difference. He was only going to come when he was good and ready. We were also extra excited to meet our baby because we decided not to find out he gender. We were VERY eager! Thankfully, he didn't make us wait too long.

At about 2 a.m. on the 25th I woke up to some contractions. I didn't get too excited at first because I had had quite a few contractions for the last month or so. However, it didn't take long to realize that these were the real deal. They were about two minutes apart, so I didn't waste any time waking Scott up and heading to the hospital.

We got to the hospital around 3 a.m. and settled in. I was dilated to about a 5. I told the nurse that my labors usually went fast and I would like an epidural, as per my doctors orders. My contractions were getting a little more intense each time I would have one. They asked me to sit on the bed so they could get a print out of 20 minutes of my contractions and baby's heart rate. Then they got me ready to get my IV.

This was probably one of the worst parts of the labor. It took three nurses four different attempts (including digging, jabbing and digging some more) to finally get and IV in me. I still have a bruised arm and hand from this. While they were doing all this, I was sitting on the bed having contractions at the same time... not my favorite part. Ironically the nurse I did not like from Gracie's birth was the one who stuck me twice and gave me the most bruises. What are the odds?

They rushed the blood work once they got me all good and poked so I could get my epidural. By now my contractions were getting more intense, but I was able to work through them. I would stand facing Scott, grabbing his jacket sleeves, burying my face in his chest and sway back and forth. He was awesome. He reminded me to take cleansing breaths and would slowly breath with me through each contraction. It really helped me stay calm. He is the best birth partner!

Then the epidural guy showed up at about 5 a.m. I told him my history of epidurals and how in the past they haven't really worked. He told me sometimes you just miss, but he would do his best to get mine in. He did awesome! After about 20 minutes after getting my epidural, I was pain free. I realized that when I'm in pain, I am totally anti-social and focus in on working through it. I don't even notice people around me. As soon as my pain was managed, I was a chatty Kathy. My nurse left the room to let us listen to our Enya soundtrack and get some rest. 

It was probably on an hour later when I felt my water break. I called the nurse in and she noticed some meconium in the water. She informed me that the would have to call in the neonatal team just to be sure the babies lungs were clear. She checked me and said I was at an 8. So, she called my doctor.

Dr. Jones got there and we talked about all kinds of things, namely what his three daughters in college were studying, how since he had three in college he was working extra ER shifts, and how excited he was for one of his daughters to graduate. It was all sort of surreal to me. I had never been part of a labor that I wasn't frantic and frankly, a bit crazy. After a bit of chit chat, they checked me and said that I was fully dilated and could start pushing if I wanted to.

Again, no pain. I didn't think we'd get anywhere pushing because I just wasn't feeling like the baby was that close to coming out. Dr. Jones explained that he would be getting the baby out quickly to make sure his lungs were clear. We pushed a few times, and then I asked for a mirror so I could see the excitement. Also, I thought it would be helpful in knowing what kind of pushing was making progress. It was really cool to see the head crowning, and even cooler to not be in excruciating pain.

Once the baby's head was out, I could see something change in my doctor's face. Rather than the baby's shoulders quickly sliding out, it seemed the baby was stuck. The doctor pulled (very hard) on the head, and looked at me with urgency telling me to push. The nurse pushed on my stomach. I could see real concern in my doctor's eyes and I pushed as hard as I could. There was a "pop" and the baby came out screaming. I immediately saw that we had a baby boy! I was so happy and excited. Scott was terrified as he thought the doctor had broken the baby's neck.

We soon learned that his collarbone had been broken. And not long after that we learned why. We had a big baby on our hands. He weighed in at 9 pounds 15.3 ounces! He was 22.25 inches long! When his shoulder got stuck, it caused a lot of tearing for me, so the doctor spent the next hour or so stitching me up. Scott's first comment about our little boys was, "Wow, look how long his arms are!"

I finally got to hold him after they checked him all out and he nursed right away. He's been a pro eater ever since. We had gone to the hopsital with a few boy names, and when we saw him and how big he was, we both felt like he was a Max. He has been the most mellow baby I have ever seen, and we are so happy to have him in our family.

At his one week appointment, Max had already gained half a pound above his birth weight. I asked the doctor about him being stuck and wondered what would have happened if he hadn't come out when he did. Dr. Jones told me he had about five different procedures memorized on how to get him out, but if none of them had worked we would have had an emergency C-section. However, when the baby's head is already out, there is a low chance of the baby surviving. I was shocked, and humbled by this. I now understood the frantic look on his face during the delivery. I am so so very thankful our sweet Max is here safe and sound.

We love our sweet boy, and there's not much I enjoy more than sitting and holding my handsome man.

Wood working

Thursdays are one of my very favorite days! It's my wood shop day. I have a friend who has a garage full of wood working tools and she's invited me to come each week to work on projects. Usually I do things without my kids (they get to play with my friend's children), but this particular week Jeff and I worked on his rubber band boat for his race at scouts that week. Jeff designed his boat, used the band saw to cut it out, and then painted it. I helped along the way, particularly with cutting out the middle portion to make room for his paddle. It was cool to watch him feel accomplished as he used grown-up tools. We had a great time, and now I've got to find a project that Nate can do with me because he was feeling a little bit left out.

Jeff and I in our awesome glasses. Safety first!

Here's the finished product. 

Jeff's boat didn't win the race, or even finish (most of them don't). But he did get an award for "best workmanship". He was pretty happy about it.

So how much time does it take?

I mentioned before, how the book "Boys Adrift" influenced our decision to homeschool. In the book, the author suggests that there are five ideas to explain the "failure to launch" phenomenon in young men. One of those contributing ideas regarded education. Specifically, that the traditional education model today is not well suited for boys. Why? Well, boys (and some girls, if they're like me) are designed by nature to be active, hands-on, and always moving.

The majority of schools squelch these natural tendencies. Order, rules, and sitting quietly are paramount. I understand why this is seen as necessary. I recognize that there are a lot of kids, and to keep things under control, this works. Still, I was uncomfortable visiting my son's school and seeing how little the kids actually played, used their imaginations, and used their hands to learn things. In fact, my heart broke when I learned that the kids really only had one short recess a day.

When we started researching homeschool, we found a learning model that fit our hopes for our kids. It incorporates the things we saw public school was lacking. It just felt right, the more and more we researched it.

So why am I telling you all of this instead of just answering the question? I think it's important to understand that we are intentional about how we approach our kids education. It isn't by chance that we do the things we do. That's all.

So, how much time? Last year, we spent about half an hour three days a week sitting down, working on school. This year, we spend about an hour each day sitting down working on school. Surprised? I know I was. I had no idea how much learning a kid could get through every day things. I was amazed to see how much my child learned through several out of the box avenues. Time to think. Talking about things on a drive, walk, or horseback ride. Observing nature. Painting. Molding bees wax. Listening to stories. Learning verses. Creative play. Cooking and baking. Folding clothes. Doing dishes. Learning about bike mechanics. Coloring. Riding bikes. Knitting. Singing. Dancing. You name it!

I'll admit, I was worried. I wasn't sure if it would work. I wasn't fully convinced until the beginning of this year. This years curriculum called for Jeff to do quite a bit of reading. Last year, as per the educational model we were following, Jeff didn't focus on reading at all. When I got out the book that we were to read on the first day of school, I was in awe of how easily it all came to him. He transitioned right in to reading a chapter book. It was pretty incredible.

I can see that Jeff LOVES to learn. He has has plenty of time to run and play, and he's still right on track with his education. All things, we hoped for when we chose to homeschool.

With this all being said, I want to reaffirm that I don't think homeschool is the only way to educate a child. This is just our experience.

A year later...

About a year ago, I posted  here about how were starting homeschool the following day. At that point, I didn't have a clue what to expect or how things would go. I was just acting on faith, that I had received an answer to prayer, that this was a good option for us.

I guess it's fair to say that we've settled in. We've been doing this now for over a year, and I think I'm starting to get the hang of it. I think I can confidently say that we homeschool. For a long time, I just felt like a poser. I didn't want to give myself a label that I wasn't sure I could hold for longer than a few days.

Last year was a great time of transition for us. Many people may not realize it, but the decision to homeschool isn't just an educational decision. It's a lifestyle decision. Everything about the way you live your day to day life changes. Some of those changes come naturally, and some, not so much. With homeschool, my kids are involved in just about every aspect of my day, although I do insist on some alone time while I'm in the restroom.

My kids take part in everything I do, and at times it's hard to let them in. I can get a little possessive about my kitchen when I'm cooking, and there has been a big switch for me to let my children "help" me cook and bake. I have to give up a on some of my OCD tendencies to allow my children to grow through experiential learning. It's the same with doing laundry. I like my things folded and put away a certain way (just ask Scott), and I've learned new ways to fold. In fact, Jeff has developed a steam-roll method for folding shirts. I never would have thought of that one. My day to day tasks are not only mine anymore, they are a method for teaching.

I'm sure many are thinking, wait, where's the spelling tests? What about the worksheets? What are you actually doing to teach your kids?!? Last year I would often have people ask me, "So, how many hours a day do you teach your kids?" The sassy reply would be, EVERY hour of the day! But I don't think that's the answer they wanted. I think what they are really asking is, how many hours are you sitting down with your kids to do "school".

The answer to that question is for another blog post. Until next time...

About time for a post

I have a hard time coming up with things to post on here... but I figured I have some time right now and I might as well get something up.

Now the great quest to find something worthwhile to post about...

I guess I should just report on what we're up to right now. We moved! Sort of. The kids and I are in Idaho for a month and a half. It's been good, and hard. Very, very hard. We don't like being away from daddy. Not. one. bit.

So, why are we here for so long without Scott? I was planning on coming up the end of July to hit my family reunion and Scott would follow on the 14th of August after the class he's teaching for Texas A&M was over. Then a few things changed. I learned that my 95 year-old grandpa was sick. I wanted to see him before he passed away. Scott and I talked it over and decided we'd play things by ear and keep up on his health situation. Then we received a call that Scott's grandfather had passed away. He had been sick for a long time and was happy to move on. We determined the most cost effective way to make things work would be to drive up as a family to attend the funeral. The Scott would fly home to Texas (had to teach that class) then return mid August to spend some time with family then drive home with us. Great idea! Right?!?

It was a good idea, and I still think it has been our best option, but boy oh boy has it been hard. You see, we failed to recognize that we would be apart for 45 days! The longest we have ever been apart up til now has been two weeks. We hated it! We both swore we would never do that again... and yet, here I am, lamenting the fact that my sweet husband is miles and miles away.

We've called every day. Had scriptures and prayers together. Facetimed for hours (the kids love this). But still, I feel like half a person. I feel debilitated by some unseen source. And even as I sit here and complain, I know that there are so many people who have been separated for MUCH longer. And they have made this sacrifices while bringing new babies into the world and other life changing events.

I guess I've gained a new found respect for those who have been apart for military reasons, or even the early saints to left their families to serve missions. I'm just thankful we only have a month left. So, so thankful.

And there you have it... the things going on in my life. :)

Voice Lessons

I feel like I'm going through a nice phase of self development. I'm looking for ways to become more. One way I'm trying to do this is by developing my singing voice. I'm not a TERRIBLE singer, but I'm not far off. There's a joke in my family (not sure if it's true or not), that my Grandpa asked that none of his descendants sing at his funeral. So, as you can see, I'm not alone. Most in my family are not gifted in music. Perhaps that's one reason why I was attracted to Scott. In my sub-conscience I wanted to improve my gene pool. :) You're welcome, kids.

Okay, enough about them. Let's talk about me. I mentioned to my friend, Jen, that I was interested in taking voice lessons from her. I wasn't sure how much they would cost, but was pretty sure on a grad student income, we might only be able to afford a few lessons. As it turned out, I would be able to afford less than I thought. Jen has her masters in music performance and has trained with some pretty incredible people. She's done some different Broadway shows and is a part of a professional organization, even. Her time is worth much more than I could have guessed.

I determined that I would probably just have to wait till after grad school to look for voice development. Then one day Jen sent out an email inviting six people in our ward to be a part of a six week voice boot camp. She would do it for free, but we would each have to pitch in money to pay for an accompanist and music. We meet at our house, and Scott is our accompanist. It has worked out great!

I'm getting a chance to learn more about singing. I'm learning that I have to let go of looking "cool" to do that. Not that I've ever been too cool anyway. :) I'm learning about breathing, singing from a certain region in my head (if that doesn't make sense to you, I'm just figuring it out), and how to be more confident in my voice.

It has been awesome. I've loved every minute of it! While I know I'm not meant to become a vocal performer, I do find joy in developing some new talents.

Thanks, Jen! You're the best!

Right here. Right now.

Sometimes as the wife of a graduate student, I get a little bogged down with the life I’m excited to live after graduation that I forget to recolonize how great life is right here, right now. I tend to focus on living on a low income, making do as a family of five in a two bedroom condo, and the hardship of missing time with family. Today I had a moment of clarity while playing tennis with an 87 year old woman from Israel. She mentioned, “Oh, the sounds of the birds are so lovely.”

So, I took a moment to listen to the sounds of the birds, and then I started to see just how great my life is right now. It isn't exactly what I think I want forever, but it is so so good. Here are a few things I love about my life. Right here. Right now.

-   Playing tennis with my local women’s tennis league

-   Taking voice lessons from my amazingly talented friend, Jen

-   Biking with my friends Kristin and Keri

-   Basketball at 6 am (when I wake up) with Br. McConnell and company

-   Home schooling my children

-   Amazing friends

-   Park day, every day!

-   A clean and comfortable home

-   Healthy food

-   Healthy children

-   My perfect partner in crime, my dear husband

-   Learning to play the ukulele

-   Learning to play the mandolin

-   Writing club

-   Book club

-   Camping

-   Backpacking

-   Horses to use whenever I want to ride (thanks to Rebecca Durda)

-   Tucking in sweet sleeping children

-   Breakfast as a family complete with prayer and scriptures

-   Swim team for my boys

-   Working with the Young Women

-   Dates with my sweetheart

-   My growing plants

-   Sunny days

So next time I start lamenting the fact that Scott is a grad student, and I dream of my future, I plan to focus on the now. I love the now. I will never be here living this life again, and you better believe I’m going to enjoy it.

Question for you...

Could you live in one of these?

What if it looked like this on the inside?

What if it was only for a few years?

About the bikes

For a long time I have dreamed of owning one of these Bakfiets bikes...

The problem is, they cost about $3500 to get one of these babies. You read that right! $3500! I want to ride  bikes more as a means of transportation, but I'm not sure I can ride enough to justify spending almost as much on a bike as I did my minivan.

I worked on some ideas. How about I make my own. I looked into some different things others have done to build their own homemade Bakfiets. You take a kids bike, and adult bike, chop each in half, and then weld them together with a little extra metal in between.

I liked it, and thought I might try it out. I had some concerns about how well it would work, if the steering would be reliable, how much time and energy it would take to build something usable... Then Scott showed me this bad boy.

It's called an Xtracycle Hooptie. You can actually fit three kids behind you as you ride, one of which can be an infant bike seat. And some groceries too! One of the best benefits is that it rides like a bike, instead of driving like boat (referring to the Bakfiets).

But wait, there's more!!! It's not NEARLY as expensive. It is a third of the price of the Bakfiets!

Here's a video so you get the full experience...

I should also mention that this lady is my inspiration. Here's an article about her.

What am I?

My little brother accuses me of being a hippie. I've been changing a bit, and embracing things that are a little outside the typical Idaho-farm-girl mentality I've always had. I'm not sure when I stared to change my views on things, but I thought I'd make a list of the a few of the things that have evoked the "you're such a hippie" response from my little brother.

Things I do or would like to do that might make me a hippie...

Cloth Diapers. I actually do this. Sometimes I use disposable, but right now we are 100% cloth.

Homemade deodorant. I've been using this for about four months now. I love it.

Homemade dish detergent. I've been using this for about six months.

Homemade laundry soap. Six months on this one too.

Homeschool (Waldorf Style). We started in September, and we love it.

Biking. I totally want one of these! I'd love to bike to most places rather than drive. I've had a hard time finding a way to transport my kids and this seems like the perfect solution.

Grass fed farming dreams. Our big goal is to have some acreage, get some chickens, a milk cow, some pigs, and a horse or two, a dog. This might be our top priority for our ten-year-plan.

Tiny house fascination. I love the idea of building one of these things. I'm not sure why... but it just looks really cool.

Wooden toys, nothing battery operated. This is a product of homeschooling Waldorf style. We are slowly transitioning our toys to all be open ended imaginative toys.

Beekeeping dreams. Scott went to bee school. Now we want to have bees. I think we'll wait until we have more than a patio to keep them on.

Clean eating. I don't do this yet. But I wan to. We have slowly over the past few years been limiting our refined foods. We try to do more whole grain things. Less sugar. More foods in their natural state.

Juicing. I bought a juicer. I use it once a month or so. I'd like to use it more, but so far I've been neglecting it.

These are the thing I can come up with right now. So I have to ask myself. Am I a hippie. The answer I usually give myself and others is, "No". And I think that's an accurate answer, but I still have to ask myself. What am I? What motivates me to do these things? I'm not sure I've found the answer to these questions.

Natural Bridge Caverns and Safari Zoo

We went down to San Antonio to watch my brother's kids for a few days. While they went to school, we did too. :) We decided to check out a cavern near my brother's house. It was about ten minutes away. Right next to it they also had a safari style zoo. We drove through it and enjoyed feeding all sorts of animals. The most memorable were the zebras and the ostriches. I wish I had pictures of them.

The zebras came up to our window and opened their mouths for us to toss in the food pellets we were given. It took us a little while to understand what they were doing. Smart smart animals. It was all I could do not to reach out and pet their soft looking noses.

The ostriches were a little more scary. They have the longest necks. We were too afraid to try and feed them the way we did the zebras because they could easily fit their little heads into our car if we weren't careful. They even tried to get in though the sun roof. They also pecked our windows when we rolled them up. Wow, never thought I'd be afraid of an ostrich.

The caverns were cool too, but it was a little more stressful for me. Gracie didn't appreciate them as much as the boys did. She also loved practicing her squeal in the cavern since it made cool echos. Thankfully, the four other people in our group didn't seem to mind. I was happy it was a small group.

The boys did a good job about not touching the stalagmites. They were really good and seemed to enjoy learning all about them. Jeff was most fascinated with how they got electricity into the caverns. He stumped the tour guide with a few of his questions.

Jeff is full of questions about almost every single thing he encounters. It's fun to teach him the things he is interested in learning about.

Thanks to my friend Keri for taking pictures for me. She also cam with me to help watch the kids. She was SOOO much help. And, she got good pictures for me to keep the memory as well.

A few days

Well, I've got a few days under my belt now. I've been excited to think about how limitless our possibilities are. For example, Today I talked to my friend who has horses and we worked it out that I can take Jeff to work with them. I'm planning on taking him once a week, but we'll have to see how it all flows. I'm discovering that developing a good rhythm is one of the most important and most difficult things to create. When I talked to Scott about it, we were both excited about making this available to Jeff. He LOVES riding horses, and is naturally confident with them. He just gets right on and lets the horse know what she needs to do. He rides a horse named Brownie. She's a sweet mare that is from Idaho. We had an immediate connection. :)

Homeschool

The short story is, I'm homeschooling my kids this year. The long story is much longer. But I want to write it down so I can remember it. The decision was actually quite a process. I've never been interested in homeschooling my kids. I've never had anything against it, I just didn't see that being a good fit for me. So here's the long story.

It really starts two years ago. I sent Jeff to pre-school. It was half day. He got to ride the bus (which he LOVED) every day. He loved school. In fact, he loved it so much that when I was putting him to bed at night, if he was resistant, I would tell him he wouldn't be able to go to school the next day if he didn't get enough sleep. He would promptly say, "Okay, I'm going right to bed".

Fast forward to kindergarten. The year started out with him being super excited about it. He got to meet and interact with lots of people. He loves people. I thought he was loving this year too, but over time. I found him to be less than excited about going to school. It became apparent to me that there might be a problem when one night when he wasn't going to bed very well, I offered him the same consequence I had the year before. "Jeff, if you don't get enough sleep I can't send you to school." To which he replied, "OKAY!"

I didn't read too much into it. I just changed my persuasive tactics. One day I had to take him out of school for a doctor's appointment. He lamented that he was going to miss recess. I asked him when his recess times were and he told me it was after lunch for about twenty minutes. I asked him when his other times for recess were. He said they only got another short one if all the "bad" kids in his class were being good so they could go. I should probably mention, that he was going to full-day kindergarten.

I told him that after his appointment we would grab some yummy lunch and go to the park to make a fun time out of it. He LOVED it! He ran, and played and was SO happy to be outside being active. While at the park, I saw a few of my friends from church who homeschool their kids. I stared asking them questions about how it worked. I asked about lots of things, got lots of answers and in the end told them that I thought what they were doing was awesome, but that I just didn't have what it took to do the same thing. Still, the seed was planted.

Then I read a book, "Boys Adrift", by Leonard Sax M.D., PhD. I'm pretty sure that the word "homeschool" never shows up in the book, but that didn't keep me from considering how the things he was talking about could be remedied through homeschool. The basic idea of his book is to explore why boys and men are less motivated these days, why we see so many twenty something guys living at home with their parents, with no apparent desire to do much else. He has five topics that he explores, and one is education.

Within education, he discussed how public education if often not the best fit for young boys. I don't have the book in front of me right now, but one of the things that really appealed to me was the idea of boys learning through doing. He talked about how in Spanish there are two words for "know". "Saber" is used to describe knowing of something while, "conocer" describes knowing something intimately. This resonated with me. I didn't want Jeff to grow up just regurgitating things from a book. I wanted him to learn in a way that he really understood something intimately. And, as luck would have it, that idea might just keep him from living in my basement twenty years from now. :)

That's about the time I remembered back on my conversation with my friends at the park. The type of education they were providing for their children was very much "out of the box" thinking. It was the type of education I wanted to provide for my son. I started doing some research into the method they used. It's called Waldorf (http://www.whywaldorfworks.org/). It's VERY different from public education. Just to give you an idea of how different it can be, it is not in the curriculum to start teaching your child to read until age seven. Wow! Different, right?

All along, Scott and I had been discussing things. We both read the same book. We both had some concerns. And I've been very happy with how supportive Scott has been through this whole process. We started praying about it. I continued to learn more. I met with my homeschool friends again, this time without kids and with a typed out list of concerns Scott and I had about the method. I came home and Scott and I continued to discuss and pray about if this would work for us.

We made a pros and cons list. As it turned out, all the pros were for Jeff. All the cons were for me. I don't see it that way anymore, but that was initially how things felt. Scott essentially told me that I would be the one making the most sacrifices so I should be the one to choose if this was something I wanted to do. I think he hoped I would choose to do it. And I did. But I already spoiled the ending for you, sorry.

We decided to use the summer as a trial period. I kept learning more, started applying more of the Waldorf principles. I was a bit surprised to find that I was feeling better about the idea, not worse. Honestly, I was a bit scared to admit, even to myself, that I might do this. I sort of hoped for an answer to prayer that said, "Nope, you should send him back to public school". That answer didn't come. I just kept feeling reassurances of going forward with homeschool.

And so, here I am, writing about how I will be homeschooling my kids. I have all sorts of hopes and fears, but still a feeling that this is the right decision for us now. I joke with my friends that we might put him back in public school in a few weeks. It's sort of a joke, but really, I don't know where this journey will take us. I don't know yet if Jeff will homeschool for two weeks or ten years. I've learned enough through the process to be open minded about where we might end up.

Tonight we are having a big "Back to School Feast" and Scott will be giving us all back-to-school blessings. We will start school in the morning and I am a ball of nerves. I know that blessing will be needed.

The kids

Here's the update on the kids.

Jeff - has "big" tooth coming in behind his baby tooth. He has a second row of teeth now. Sort of like a shark, which fits, since he's been swimming up a storm this summer. He started swim team about and month ago and I'm pretty sure he's going to be the next Phelps or Lockte. He loves it, and he's got a cute Coppertone tan line to prove it.

Nate - He's doing swim team too, and he's learning that since he's little and cute, and can get away with all kinds of silly things. He's still not swimming independently of his kick board, but I don't think it will be long before he builds of the courage. He tries new things every time we swim to test out his new found independence in the water. He's a brown little boy like Jeff, and I'm glad they both got their daddy's skin.

Gracie (Little Mae) - She has all kinds of personality. She has an overactive screaming reflex. If she's happy, scream. If she's sad, scream. If she's (add anything here), scream. She never seems to get a sore throat or anything. It's incredible! She's also starting to understand simple commands. She's also a climber. She found a way to get on the top bunk without using the ladder to get there. Crazy girl.

We love 'em. They are crazy, wonderful, energetic, helpful, loud, fun, entertaining, happy, cranky, adorable kids and they bring a lot of joy to our lives.

no car week, how it went

 I wouldn't say it was a compete failure, but it didn't go quite how I imagined either. To quickly own up to things, yes, I drove my car. Multiple times. Most of those times were for good reason. Toward the end, it came more down to being worn out, not just me, but my kids too.

So I guess, I didn't drive my car this week, except for when i drove to...

-Austin (3 hrs) to help my brother unload his moving van
-Conroe (1 hr) to go boating
-the grocery store, the one far away has the best produce/prices
-meet up with friends to go swimming
-buy ice cream with my buddy visiting from Dallas, very important!
-to run around town getting paperwork from girls I work with at church so we can go horseback riding

So, those are the times I drove my van. Full disclosure. It was harder in some ways, but easier in others. My legs are pretty worn out. Towing my kids behind me all over town has taken it's toll. However, the short trips to take Jeff to school, to church activities, to the gym... those weren't too bad. I realized that I can probably continue to only bike for some of those types of things. At least, until it gets too hot.

We're going to continue on our little adventure, allowing ourselves to drive when we need to drive. I think it'll make for toned calves, and a smaller gas bill. Also considering investing in something like this...